girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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