My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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