I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
