Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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