Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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