maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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