So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
