Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
