It's Friday. Sex?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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