I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
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