just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize