I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
