I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?