oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Is Oprah even human
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend