YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.