thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.