So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.