FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
