Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  No

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  (610): Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight? (570): No http://tfl.nu/7sm8
  Replies (34) Good night (1898) Bad night (886)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.

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  (702): Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks. http://tfl.nu/8gmt
  Replies (40) Good night (859) Bad night (3512)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.

  (817): View more from Texas

  Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.

  (972): View more from Texas

  ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.

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  (972): i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating. (817): Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away. (972): ur like the dr phil of bizarro world. http://tfl.nu/uybr
  Replies (66) Good night (5628) Bad night (1193)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"

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  (210): I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV" http://tfl.nu/w3he
  Replies (37) Good night (5389) Bad night (780)
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  (339): View more from Massachusetts

  just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.

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  (339): just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth. http://tfl.nu/ap45
  Replies (38) Good night (8525) Bad night (1225)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...

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  (416): Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card... http://tfl.nu/vpen
  Replies (9) Good night (4205) Bad night (864)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...

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  (775): Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks... http://tfl.nu/pt70
  Replies (8) Good night (1935) Bad night (856)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.

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  (703): theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already. http://tfl.nu/gg0y
  Replies (11) Good night (2644) Bad night (846)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.

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  (519): Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed. http://tfl.nu/q7k6
  Replies (9) Good night (1414) Bad night (1750)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  why is my forehead so bruised?

  (1+61): View more from

  i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.

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  (+61): why is my forehead so bruised? (1+61): i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms. http://tfl.nu/t9yj
  Replies (6) Good night (2328) Bad night (688)
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  (507): View more from Minnesota

  We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.

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  (507): We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do. http://tfl.nu/66ti
  Replies (4) Good night (1272) Bad night (524)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.

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  (218): His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely. http://tfl.nu/zmgf
  Replies (5) Good night (815) Bad night (320)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?

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  (902): I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat? http://tfl.nu/t6q6
  Replies (5) Good night (855) Bad night (308)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though

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  (314): I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though http://tfl.nu/f0gi
  Replies (1) Good night (443) Bad night (197)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy

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  (215): i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy http://tfl.nu/9sod
  Replies (2) Good night (478) Bad night (248)

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