I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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