he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
