she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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