At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize