So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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