I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
