I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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