if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
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So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
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you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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