I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
