I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
