Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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