found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This house was built for laser tag.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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