Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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