There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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