Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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