so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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