you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
