I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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