Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
