I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
