Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
