Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
