I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
