also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
