What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
