i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
