my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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