Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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