i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
