Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
