i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
