she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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