I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There was a lot of him and a little penis
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize