Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
