Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
