We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
