Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She bit a glass in half.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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