I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
