That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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