She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I believe in your delicious
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
