I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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