I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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