If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
