I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
A bitchslap is in order.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
