i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
