I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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