i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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