My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
my liver is dry heaving
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
