I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
