And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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